Current Mood:      busy
In the background:   The Jay Leno Show 

Its been another one of those busy days.  The hour that I usually have been the two jobs, I didn't have today.  I was busy running errands for David.  My aunt had wanted me to come over at 1:00 and reconcile her checkbook, but -- thinking I would have that time to myself, asked her if I could come over later today to do it.  Looks like I wouldn't have made it over there either way.

Ran the errands, and then worked 3 hours at to the office.  David and I were suposed to work on a quarterly report that due at the end of this week.  But the way his phones rang, we never got to it.   Looks like it was a typical Monday for every one.

I picked Ethan up from school at 5:00, dropped him off at the house and then went over to my aunt's house and worked on her checkbook for awhile.  Which, in hindsite, I'm glad I did it because she did have an error.  Could have caused problems if I hadn't gotten over there in a timely manner.

Home to fix supper, watch a little bit of TV with David -- and now a quick entry and off to bed.  I have a couple of emails I really want to do as well, but think I'll save them for tomorrow.  Hopefully, things will be a bit calmer tomorrow.

Yesterday was a busy -- but awesome day.    In more ways than one.   One of our boys in Ethan's Scout troop became an Eagle, and his ceremony was yesterday.  It was  a very nice, very impressive ceremony.  The highlight of my day thought was -- Austin's Cub Master from the Cub Scout days was there.   Ok.  Yeah?   what was the big deal about that?     He was a  very dear friend of mine, and we had lost touch when they moved away.   In the back of my mind, I wondered whether or not he would be there -- and then dismissed the idea.   He lives 5 hours away.   It was a long time ago.      Part of my responsibilities of yesterday was helping with the reception.  So, we didn't get up to the ceremony until just a few minutes before it was to start.    It just made my day to see him.  He gave me a big hug, and we chatted and talked and talked some more until it was time to start.   After the ceremony and reception, David and I invited him to supper before he  headed back, which he accepted.   Time stood still for a brief time.   It was like he had never moved away.   The comfortable feeling of talking and sharing all the "goings on" in our lives -- there wasn't a break in converstation, nor any awkward moments of not knowing what to say.   It was all just very comfortable, and it just totally made my day.    And I am determined not to lose touch again!

I also had a "lightbulb" moment as I thought about how comfortable it felt, to be talking to an old friend again.   Things just seem to be "out of joint" right now.   I seem to be going in circles, not able to focus or concentrate or accomplish the things I want to accomplish.   I feel like I am more out of control now than I have ever been -- even though I'm not doing things even close to the level of self destruction that I used to do.   I realized that -- in the past 4 to 5 years -- I have lost 3 very important "constants" in my life.   Ruth has moved.   John has moved.   And my mom died.   These 3 people played very important roles in my life.  They were my support system.  They were true friends, and just made me feel almost whole.   When John moved, we lost contact.   Ruth and I stayed in close contact -- working hard at it, and it was a very good feeling.   But then some things happened last summer that I am responsible for, and the closeness is now awkward, and questionable.  And I don't know how to get it back.   Siting next to John yesterday, the clock turned back for just a brief moment, I felt ...  like a missing piece had been put in place.    It made me realize that I had been blessed in my life with 2 super wonderful friends that I had interaction with frequently, in a face to face fashion, as well as having my mom in my everyday life.   And now?   I have none.  I have put up a wall and not allowed myself to form any close or face to face friendships to replace these 2 people.  Of course there is no way to replace them, but I guess what I am trying to say is take the role of having a close friend in the same town.  Or at least friendships with others.   That is way is missing in my life.   Replaced with a busy schedule of 2 jobs and a semi-dependent aunt.   Its not a bad life, just one very different than 4 years ago. 

Now that i have made this realization, maybe I can move forward.  Now that I know what that missing piece is, I can change things.  Or work harder at re-establishing those old friendships, even though they might be long distance.   This goes beyond shopping out of control or overeating, or any of those other self destructive things I used to do, ... still do on pccasion.   For the first time in a long time, I felt that sense of contentment, of peace inside.   For a brief moment, but nonetheless a very cherished moment.

Blessings to all --